Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
