I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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