i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's not cheating when I paid for it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
