people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
