I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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