doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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