I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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