she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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