I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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