remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
