why didn't you poke me back
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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