Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
