erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
