And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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