allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she pinky promised me she was 18
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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