I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
