The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
