i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
