i don't like sucking hair
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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