i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
