dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
