My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
