Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
