Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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