good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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