Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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