he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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