Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
