you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
