question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
