so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
