Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
