This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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