i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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