At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
