ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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