After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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