it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
