I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize