If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
