If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
