whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
