There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
