i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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