You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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