Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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