After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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