So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
