i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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