some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!