worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening