Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.