I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!