You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you