If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
