Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
