and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
high people should be assigned attendants
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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