i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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