I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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