It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
