how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
