It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
