I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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