My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
