My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
