party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
