Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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