While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
