he puts the penis in happiness.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
