apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
