sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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