Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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