mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
