she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
