Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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