forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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