We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
