At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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