2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
