do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
