Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
